I believe, as it often seems that things generally don't work out for me or come easily- that the universe is somehow working against me, "blame it on the black star", maybe God is out to get me because I'm a non-believer :), maybe it's all because of my mental health issues and personality flaws, maybe it's all random, etc. Who the hell knows really why life throws our way what it throws at us. There's that quote about God not giving us more than we can handle. There's some words of strength.. but really, aside from not believing in God, I don't necessarily agree with that; life can give people more than they can sanely handle. I've seen it in my work in mental health and I've been through it. I guess you can say that since I've been through it, it was handled; but that was above and beyond my capacity at the time to handle on my own.
As I have gone of on a tangent, I was planning to write about how my state of bad luck might be changing. A minor change, and maybe it's just my perspective and a reminder that I haven't lost all hope for myself. I've been waiting to get enrolled for some continuing ed courses and the process is taking a couple months longer than I had anticipated. I haven't been too frustrated over it, but maybe a little disappointed. So things are finally looking like they're getting in order- on the last day of the month, when class would start on the 1st day. This means I won't be starting until July. I'm actually kind of relieved about this. I'm already enrolled in 1 distance ed class and usually can't find the time to study. Yesterday, after having been on daycare waiting lists for months, I came across a potential place for childcare just around the block! I don't think fulltime childcare is affordable if I'm not working, but once a week so that I can study and attend counselling sessions should be do-able. At least I can get this in order before starting those other courses, which will likely be more intense than the one I'm struggling to find the time to work on now.
So maybe this is the universe working in my favor... Although, I would not be the least bit surprised if this doesn't work out. I don't mean to be pessimistic, but "bad luck" tends to follow and it is upsetting to get my hopes up only to be disappointed in the end. Self-protection/preservation is where it's at.